i’ve always been a firm believer in communicating directly with people, and being straight with them. in some ways, it’s probably not won me friends in some circles which thrive on politics and playing games, but i just believe that true community and christian relationships are about speaking the truth in love.
that means that if you’ve got a problem with someone, then you go talk to them. you don’t talk to other people about them or the problem without dealing directly with them. i believe in this so strongly that we’ve had people leave our church over it. i’ve had a couple of situations where people came to me to complain about a ministry leader, and i insisted that they should talk to that leader first before bringing the issue to me. they refused to do that and ended up leaving, but i was rock solid on this – don’t come complaining to me if you’re not prepared to deal with issues biblically.
and, in a leadership team, this kind of behaviour is a cancer. when there are little conversations happening without the key players facing off directly to deal with stuff, it’s a disease that will cripple and suffocate your community. it can’t be tolerated – it has to be addressed and challenged. whispers and gossip are never the godly way to go. but, unfortunately, in our sin, it’s the default way we deal with stuff. we’re afraid to be real and authentic, so we hide, undermine, subvert, criticize, gossip, and basically do everything but talk face to face with folks we need to do business with. drives me nuts, but it’s the messy way we go about relationships. but it’s a cancer. just can’t say it more strongly.
we’ve struggled with this in cycles at warnbro over the years, and i guess it’s just one of those things you keep coming back to deal with, given that it is a bit of a default mode of operating for us as sinful humans. but, it’s not the way of christ, and you just have to keep coming back to it over and over again.
if you’re leading a team, i’d encourage you to step up and get stuck into this when you see it. it’s one of the classic dysfunctions of a team and community, and you just can’t afford to let it go.